“There is some strange intimacy between grief and aliveness, some sacred exchange between what seems unbearable and what is most exquisitely alive.”
Ritual
Grounding. Meaning-making. Fostering connection. Healing. Support. Rituals, from simple to elaborate, are beneficial to us in many ways. In social and spiritual contexts, rituals have been part of the human experience for as long as we know. For me, ritual practices are one of the best tools to help me bypass my intellectual figure-it-out-and-fix-it mind. These practices help me to create a safe container to experience the fullness of life as it is, without being overwhelmed by it. At the end of a visit to the wild ashram of my yoga lineage, I commented to a friend that it was going to take a while for me to process and make sense of my experience there. Her response remains one of my most impactful teachings: "do you have to?" The idea that I could experience something powerful and meaningful without first accomplishing the work of understanding it was revolutionary. Matthew Sanford, another of my yoga teachers, encapsulates this lesson well by quoting Prashant Iyengar:
What is happening might be more profound than you know. Cultivate the happening.
I believe one of the most transformative aspects of ritual practices is our allowing it to work while letting go of the desire to know how it is working. In this way, ritual allows us to again bypass the obstacles of our mind in order to access deeper healing. It is my intention with these ritual and energy-focused practices to cultivate the happening.
Rituals work on multiple levels: They are an embodied, somatic way to literally move, shake, sing, stomp, burn, wash, and cry loose deep emotion. They are a way to create a temporary village - a community of people who come together to witness and energetically hold one another so that we can move and feel bigger emotions and energies than we can safely move and feel on our own. They invoke the sacred - we call in Grief, our ancestors, guides, the God of our own understanding, Love, or simply the Power that exists between two or more people joined in purpose - to help us shift what needs shifting.
“The grief ritual was an experience my soul will not forget. I am still struggling to write about it because everything I write feels less powerful than the experience itself. The ability of the circle to hold each other and not break felt more than human, it was spiritual.”
More About Grief Ritual
Grief is amongst us, always. Loss is more and more strikingly ever-present in our world. Too often, therapy seeks to heal individually. Ritual, instead, seeks to return to the older, wiser, communal ways of healing - where together, more of our grief can be expressed, witnessed, held, and moved.
We will gather together to embrace the often-shunned Grief, to witness Grief’s unfolding in our neighbors, and to be seen and held for an experience we all too often are left to hold alone. Much of these events are based on the work and generous teachings of Francis Weller.
Please sign up to get on the mailing list to stay updated about future Grief Rituals. Scroll down for more info and FAQ about these events. We do not currently have any grief rituals scheduled for this year, but I encourage you to check out The Grief House in the meantime.
If you would like to discuss hosting a private Grief Ritual for your group, please reach out to me.
“The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. ”
FAQs
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A grief ritual is a set apart, special time where we come together as a group and invite a larger power (Grief, in this case) to come and move through and among us.
While every event is somewhat different, and depends on what each participant brings and adds to the experience, you can reasonably expect:
practices to establish feelings of safety and connection
gentle and accessible movement
times of sharing
times of quiet introspection and writing
embodied practices, ritual actions (for example, lighting a candle, vocalizing, standing, pouring water, ripping paper, etc.)
an invocation (invitation and welcoming) of Grief, of ancestors, guides, or any of your personally supportive deities
sequential practices that are intended to safely intensify the presence of Grief in our ritual space
My intention as a ritual facilitator is to maintain the magic of ritual, while also making it feel more accessible, and less “weird” to those who are unfamiliar with it. To maintain that ritual is a “set apart” and sacred space, while emphasizing that it is a normal (though maybe forgotten) part of life and daily activities. We ask that you come open to new experiences and be prepared to feel or witness strong emotions.
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Your facilitators are therapists and yoga teachers, but this grief ritual is not group therapy and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with any of the facilitators, and while it will involve some yoga and guided meditation, it is not a yoga class and does not require any previous yoga experience.
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The short answer is that grief ritual is for everyone. We recognize that there are many forms of grief, and not just the loss of a loved one.
Grief ritual is for you if you have lost someone or something that you loved.
Grief ritual is for you if you have parts of yourself that have not known love.
Grief ritual is for you if you expected something that you didn’t receive.
Grief ritual is for you if you’ve longed for community, for mentors, or for traditions that you haven’t found.
Grief ritual is for you if you are moved by the sorrows of the world and want to be a channel for the Earth to grieve.
Grief ritual is for you if you are feeling the sorrows of your ancestors.
Grief ritual is for you if you have never allowed yourself to sit with Grief.
Grief ritual is for you if you’re tired of sitting with Grief alone.
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We recommend that folks give themselves sufficient grace and rest after really big losses before attending a grief ritual. Grief timelines vary, but if you are still feeling especially raw, Grief Ritual may stir that up more for you. If you’d like to discuss whether the time is right to attend, please reach out.
Because of the potentially intense nature of grief ritual, it is not for folks who are feeling unstable or currently experiencing severe mental health symptoms. Reach out if you have questions or want to talk through your particular situation.
Grief ritual is for people who may be experiencing conflicting griefs - there may be someone grieving their infertility, and also someone grieving their loss of identity in becoming a mother. All griefs are welcome. If you would rather not witness a conflicting grief, you may want to wait for a more specific grief ritual offering.
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Because the deepest and most lasting healing happens with other people, not alone.
To bring into the light the most universal of human experiences that often gets pushed into the darkness.
To facilitate wholeness by welcoming home parts of ourselves that have been shunned or exiled.
To feel more connected to and supported by other humans, our ancestors, the earth - of which we are a part, and our own spiritual beliefs and practices.
If we go back far enough, each of us comes from lineages of people who practiced ritual, gatherings, or earth-honoring practices on a regular basis to ensure good spiritual and community health. It is a large piece of what is missing in our world today. We gather to recover some of that for our own lives.